Respect
Respect is never anything that can be overtly communicated. Rather, it becomes clear by my capacity to sit with each person’s history and choices, without judgement and without criticism. It is communicated by a deep awareness that a person’s life is their own, and that my role is to bring about greater awareness of choices made and what underpins them, only then can a decision be made of whether these choices are valid any longer.
Safety
A sense of safety in sessions is paramount for anything to change. Safety is tested frequently in sessions. Early on in the therapeutic relationship safety is tested whenever private and intimate details are revealed. There is almost a challenge: “so, how are you going to react?” – Jack Nicholson “you can’t handle the truth” moments.
But it is not until something slips that was not intended to be spoken is safety really established. Those statements that catch us both by surprise. It is only then that each person becomes free enough to speak openly. It is only when you feel safe that you can allow yourself to become curious, to allow yourself to take risks with what thoughts and feelings might be possible…
Awareness
Once there is safety, then people feel more comfortable being present in the here and now.
Sessions are filled no longer with reports of what has occurred over the preceding week, but rather becomes oriented toward those critical issues/dynamics that have a history to them. By being truly present, we become more available to random thoughts and feelings that might be sitting just behind what has been said. We can often follow these threads to uncover core beliefs, often founded in seminal experiences.
Change
From my experience, change occurs when these events are brought into the light of day, brought into the here and now, often for the first time in a very long time, to be regarded with contemporary eyes. It is then that we tend to critically evaluate a lifetime spent walking in their shadow, to reassess whether this is really the best way forward.
These changes can often be seismic, especially during the early phases of therapy as we feel more and more safe to speak about our pain.
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