Grammar is experiencing a renaissance. In contemporary culture, personal pronouns are the gateway to respect and inclusion. But why are people suddenly so caught up on personal pronouns?
Pronouns substitute for, or refer to someone or something. After mentioning the person by name – Jess in this case, we tend to refer to them by some pronoun or other, conventionally he or she. But what are we basing this on? A truck load of assumptions on how a person looks, sounds and behaves that we’re taught to categorise into binary opposites?
Taking one step back. There’s a big difference between the biological sex to which one is born and the gendered identity one comes to assume. One does not necessarily lead to the other. Although an individual is born male or female, doesn’t necessarily mean they automatically identify as such. This might be shocking to a lot of people!
Lived experience has taught Jess that although they were born female, they’ve come to understand themselves as profoundly male and identify as such. For Jess, this journey has not been easy, with many friends and family turning their backs on Jess, because Jess’s decision compromises their conventional societal norms. But to Jess, there is no alternative, they are simply male.
People can choose to self-identify in a myriad of ways, by adopting he/him, she/her, or indeed they/them, or ze/hir (pronounced ‘here’), which elegantly blends both masculine and feminine pronouns. These ways of referring to the person we’re talking about carry deeply ingrained truths that speak about how a person comes to see themselves and how they wish to be seen by others.
In contemporary society we can no longer make assumptions on how individuals choose to identify. The most respectful and inclusive position we can adopt is simply to ask “what personal pronouns do you prefer?” to demonstrate that we accept any and all ways in which people chose to identify. What’s so wrong with that?
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