Why we should be using personal pronouns?

We are currently witnessing a cultural renaissance of language. In contemporary society, personal pronouns have become a gateway to respect, inclusion, and deeper psychological understanding.

But why are we suddenly so focused on these small words? It is because pronouns are not just placeholders; they are reflections of a person’s internal truth.

Moving Beyond Assumptions

Conventionally, we have been taught to categorize people based on “binary opposites”—he or she—based on a split-second assessment of how they look or sound. However, we are beginning to acknowledge a fundamental psychological truth: Biological sex and gender identity are not always the same.

While an individual is assigned a sex at birth, the gender identity they come to assume is a complex, internal journey. For some, the traditional “male” or “female” labels feel like a cage that doesn’t fit the reality of their lived experience.

The Courage of Self-Definition

Consider “Jess.” Although born female, Jess has come to understand himself as profoundly male. This journey hasn’t been easy. Choosing to transition often means facing rejection from family or friends whose societal norms feel compromised by Jess’s truth.

For Jess, and many others, there is no “alternative” or “lifestyle choice.” It is simply who they are.

The Language of Identity

People today self-identify in a myriad of ways:

• He/Him or She/Her

• They/Them: A gender-neutral option that has existed in the English language for centuries.

• Ze/Hir (pronounced ‘here’): An elegant blend that moves entirely outside the masculine/feminine binary.

These choices carry deeply ingrained truths. They speak to how a person sees themselves and, crucially, how they wish to be seen by the world. In my practice at WellSpeaking, I see firsthand how being “misgendered” can act as a micro-trauma, reinforcing a sense of being invisible or misunderstood.

The Simple Act of Respect

We can no longer rely on assumptions. The most respectful, inclusive, and psychologically safe position we can adopt is simply to ask:

“What personal pronouns do you use?”

Asking this question demonstrates that you are willing to see the person in front of you for who they actually are, rather than who you assume they should be. It is a small gesture that carries a profound message of acceptance. And in a world that can often feel judgmental, what could be more important than that?