Christmas is a time of family, fun and festivity. However, Christmas can also be an uncomfortable and even traumatic time for some, with the only resort being an ‘orphan’s’ Christmas instead!
Christmas tends to be a time for reflection and a time when family comes together. Christmas also symbolises a key moment of religious significance for some families. Both can raise uncomfortable memories of the past that many would prefer to forget.
As a time for reflection and solidarity, Christmas brings together members of the family with which communication is strained, or that has involved misdeeds that have never been fully acknowledged. Family organisers often assume that everyone should just ‘let bygones be bygones’ and ‘just for a few hours, can everyone just enjoy themselves?’. However, this does nothing to acknowledge the depth of feeling that can remain unresolved.
Unfortunately some injustices cannot be forgiven and forgotten quite so easily and being invited to share the same space raises difficult questions around complicity and concealment: ‘how can everyone just pretend like nothing has happened’ and ‘seeing them again, just re-opens up all these old wounds’. Choosing to forego Christmas altogether is not an option either as this raises further questions.
In the lead-up to Christmas, debrief with close friends; let them know the myriad of feelings that are coming up. As an informal sounding board – with well chosen and compassionate friends, this can often be enough to air concerns and solicit much needed advice.
Should you feel adequately prepared and secure in your resolve, make your thoughts and feelings known to the organiser of this year’s Christmas and ensure you’re heard and a compromise is worked through so that everyone is more comfortable on the day.
Where these options are not possible, or unsatisfactory, consult with a professional, in a safe and confidential session, and understand the fullness of meaning of what has occurred, and how best to move on with a meaningful life. Christmas doesn’t have to remain a source of dread and discomfort!
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